Donald Trump has a burger restaurant … or the burger restaurant has him.
MAGA lovers can now munch on a “Donny Burger”. One patron said this about her burger: “I love taking a big bite outa Trump’s meat!”
Another patron named Billy Joe Bob Cletus Bodene Squalor Hoss Swinepit Muldoon said about his choice off the menu: “I always eat a Melania taco. Mmm, her tacos taste kinda foreign and spicy, but that’s how I like’em!” (When asked what he did for a living, he said he was a border guard in Texas.)
What else is on the Trump Burger menu?
Try the Guiliani steak supreme! It’s not steak, but some kind of mystery meat, possibly from the killing floors of the New York mafia’s “Cement Shoes & Burial Emporium”.
How about the Ivanka Salad?
It’s kinda wishy-washy, kinda trying to be a salad but not quite making it, too many of those tiny corn cobs (who puts those in a salad!), and black olives for some reason. A customer said: “I like the black ones too. My friends and family think I don’t, but my brain’s all over the place. First I like something, then I don’t when it pisses me off. Reminds me of a certain burger man. Those black olives better not piss me off, I tells ya!’ (When asked what he did for a living, he said he was a Minnesota cop, previously close friends with the George Floyd killer.)
There’s the Donny Junior kid’s menu. When your child whines that they want more and more and more, just give them a Donny Junior. Warning: may contain slight traces of cocaine. If your child gets a little too hyper (or ever more hyper than usual), every Trump’s Burgers will have a time-out room where your child can begin to relax and “come down” or “fight the dragon” while rattling inside a dog cage.
There are Eric Fries: no one knows what they taste like since they look awful and “too toothy”, as one patron said. No one has ever tried them, but Donny keeps churning them out. And they look small and weak and half-assed. But a fry is a fry, so it’s there if you want it.
All that and more!
Warning: your personal information may be taken while visiting a Trump Burger. If you are female, your measurements may be taken, and you may receive an offer to work for Trump at one of his businesses.
Double Warning: Democrats are not allowed to eat any of Trump’s meat since it causes massive explosive diarrhea, but only in them, for some reason.
Enjoy a Trump Burger. If your asshole is red, no diarrhea for you!