Author: 1278-funnyvot

NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The makers of the Smart Car have just come up with the taxi version of the Smart Car.A spokesperson for the Yellowjacket Taxi Company stated that after conducting a 4-month research study, they have come up with an idea for what they are calling the Smart Taxi.Paxton Rappateen, 62, stated that his company actually took a cue from taxi cabs in Cambodia, Thailand, Laos, and Portugal.He noted that the taxis in those countries are extremely tiny, and as a result their fares are reduced by 75%, compared to those big yellow cabs in…

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MAR-A-LAGO, Florida – 3:13 AMTWEET #1 – I love, love, love Elon Musk. The sexy stud is going to buy Twitter and he has promised me that the first fucking thing he is going to do in “Unban” me. So in the immortal words of one of my all-time idols Adolf Hitler, “I’m coming back folks!”TWEET #2 – Melania told me that if Musk “Unbans” me, she will leave “my orange fooking ass” (her exact words), and either move back to New York City and our Trump Tower, or else she’ll move to Los Angeles and move in with you-know-who.TWEET…

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LOS ANGELES – (Satire News) – In a breaking news story that has just broken, The Kremlin Voice is reporting that the arrogantly evil, and very short communist leader has just invited the “Academy Award Show Ambusher” (aka Will Smith) to move to Russia.Putin reportedly told the fellow asshole, that he knows how it feels to be hated by the entire country. The 5-foot-3-inch dictator added that he does not care if 103% of his fellow countrymen hate his fucking ass to hell; he is still the undisputed dictatorial dictator.The Russian mental midget then remarked that everyone; including Donaldo Trump,…

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When Donald Trump moved out of the White House, he took 15 boxes of documents to Mar-a-Lago. These boxes contained documents marked Classified Top Secret. All White House documents are supposed to go to the National Archive. It isn’t clear whether the 15 boxes of Classified Top Secret documents traveled to Mar-a-Lago by a Brinks armorer truck or as a carry-on by Mr. Trump. Furthermore, it is unclear whether Trump stored the 15 boxes of Classified Top Secret documents in a Mar-a-Logo kitchen pantry, basement garage, laundry room, gardener’s shed, or a safety vault for the last year and a…

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Paloma Sonoma, a writer with The American Foodie News Agency recently sat down and had a long talk with VP Kamala Harris at a local KFC.The two met at a KFC in downtown D.C. Sonoma asked the vice-president what she thought about the ongoing baby formula food shortage.VPOTUS told Miss Sonoma that she put 100% of the blame on the orange shoulders of the former occupant of the White House.VP Biden stated that if the Trumptard had been running the country like he should have, instead of fucking playing golf every day, the shortage…

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BALTIMORE – (Satire News) – The Omnium Gatherum News Agency has just broken the story that one of the most hated politicians in the entire USA has just stated that she is throwing her bra into the 2024 presidential race.As OGNA writer Ashburn Wasabi pointed out the actual political quote is ‘Throwing his hat into the ring.”But since everyone knows that the fake blonde bitch, namely Marjorie Taylor Greene dances to the beat of her own drummer, the entire country understands her use of the word bra; a word that Oprah Winfrey hates more than she hates dieting.Meanwhile MTG noted…

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NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – One of the most-awaited “Tell All” books on Donald Jonathan Erasmus Trump has just hit the market.According to Stormy Coin, with The Daily Dirt, sales of Pence’s excellently informative book titled, “I Was One Of The Only Sane GOPers In Trump’s Highly Fucked Up Cabinet” are going through the roof.In chapter two, Pence recalls that when he first met the Trumptard, he (DJT) let him know right off the bat that he was a racist and that he actually had a KKK membership card.Pence says he shockingly said “Nooooo.”And at that point Mr.…

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Lake of the Ozarks, MO – Fans of the popular Netflix series Ozark are furious over the finale. The final episode streamed days ago, leaving many viewers upset at the outcome.“They killed Ruth!” wailed Corrissa Monroe, a resident of Lake of the Ozarks, the main setting for the story. “I mean, they let that cartel bitch shoot her! And she’s dead!”“Not only that,” said Aurora McFarlane, Monroe’s best friend, “but Jonah killed that private detective! Jonah’s just a kid! That Byrde Family is just a bunch of degenerates!”“It was bad enough they killed Wyatt,” said Monroe. “He was just an…

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HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – The latest QuinniPinni Poll clearly shows that just about every actor and actress in Tinsel Town agrees that the movie, tv, and singing career of Will “The Homegrown Terrorist” Smith is now in the toilet (commode).According to Tabloid Today’s Papaya Bamboo, the arrogant, (91% black – 9% Chinese) so-called actor, has trouble sleeping at night, due to the fact that he took it upon himself to act like a total, complete, 100% piece of pachyderm shit.Even Smith’s homely-as-shit wife, the sarcastically, and disdainfully stupid Jada Pinkett Smith, has remarked that she can no longer stand…

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Having lost the war in Ukraine, shattered the nation, and destroyed the lives of thousands, Mr. Putin plans to wrap himself in the cloth of innocence as a humanitarian. He’ll claim that not only was Ukraine a Nazi-run nation, but it (Ukraine) also started the Covid pandemic. And, it (Ukraine) planned to release another even deadlier pandemic than Covid. To stop that evil empire (Ukraine), what could Russia do but invade?Or, It wasn’t Russia’s fault. It (Ukraine) made Russia invade it. Furthermore, Putin didn’t want to alarm his troops or their parents about the threatened second pandemic. So he said…

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