Former Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster, Michael ‘Et Tu Brute’ Gove has refuted claims that ‘the darkness inside him’ is in fact an evil superpower of galactic proportions, which if unleashed, would make the new Tory frontbench burn even faster than a moisture farmer on Tatooine. He has now set his sights on going all the way to the top and may very soon make his move to become the new Leader of the Galactic Empire.
Gove, who has taken to appearing via hologram at meetings to ‘cut down on his carbon footprint’ and is now frequently seen wearing a hooded cloak to ‘save money on the heating bill’, has tried to assure the public he is behaving this way purely to emphasise the key issues the government are failing to address, and certainly not because he plans to ‘strike anyone down with all his hatred’ any time soon. In an attempt to convince sceptics that there is no sinister undercurrent to his actions, Gove took to Twitter to condemn ‘the feeble skills’ of former colleagues who are trying to discredit him and tweeted that, ‘U-turns on tax cuts are no match for the power of the darkside, er I mean robust fiscal policy.’ Gove’s tweet has so far only been liked and retweeted by one other Twitter user – a political influencer and trance DJ who goes by the name of Darth Insidious.
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