Dating an insecure man does tricky things to your mind. You are in love with this man, but you constantly have to walk on eggshells around him because the next minute, he’s busy fuming over flimsy reasons that shouldn’t even be an issue in the first place.
You wonder if you are the problem or if every other couple has to deal with this, but you rather hold back on addressing the feelings in your gut because you love him.
In this article, we compiled a list of 15 signs that prove you are an insecure man. If you can relate to most or all of these points, you have your questions figured out!
15 Proven Ways To Tell If Your Lover Is An Insecure Man
1. He Plays The Victim / Blame Game
It’s not an unusual thing for couples to fight or argue over a matter. But if he constantly plays the victim game and never takes responsibility for his actions, you just might be dealing with an insecure man who would stop at nothing to ensure you are the “bad guy” and not him.
His readiness to always manipulate an issue to suit his narrative is a tell-tale sign that your man is battling with insecurities.
An insecure man would often deny his involvement in an action he took and make you feel like you are the unnecessarily dramatic one in the relationship. This is because his insecurities would have him living in denial rather than challenging his issues.
2. He Always Demands Validation From You
Every man loves spontaneous reminders of how much they mean to their loved ones and how well they do. But if he consistently makes it your obligation to always remind him of who he is, you might just have a big problem on your hands. A man ought to have a sense of internal validation even if he has no woman in his life.
It doesn’t matter how much you try to commend, love, support, and affirm his importance in your life. He is always going to feel disrespected or unappreciated because his self-esteem is unhealthy.
Loving a man like that is also burdensome and becomes upsetting because you will soon begin to tire of his incessant thirst for validation, and he doesn’t care about your feelings or needs.
3. He Gets Aggressive When You Mention Your Relationship With Other Men
Partners of insecure men mistake their actions for being jealous and find it cute at first until they begin to show signs of being aggressive over the slightest male interference. If this sounds like you or someone you know, it’s a toxic situation no one should be in.
Insecure men feel uncomfortable when they know you have other men in your life, whether it's a friend, colleague, family member, ex or admirer.
They always want to be the only man in your life and may become aggressive or defensive if you confront them about this. If your partner is overly protective, aggressive or threatened by other males, it's important to evaluate your relationship.
4. He Always Gets You A Gift
This might sound tricky since many women would appreciate a man who constantly showers them with gifts, but it’s also a pattern to watch out for in insecure men.
They may buy you all kinds of gifts, but they often come with an ulterior motive to derail you from something. For example, he may buy you overly expensive things he knows you would love but can’t afford, so you can feel indebted to him and feel guilty when you try to call out his toxic traits in the relationship.
He may also show up with a gift after an intense argument just to derail you from his unwillingness to take responsibility and make active amends. At other times, he is simply masking his fear of losing you to another man or a potential love interest. Rather than address his insecurities and do the right things, he would opt for a gift instead.
5. He is in a hurry to make commitments
It is every woman’s dream to date a guy who knows what he wants and doesn’t stall on making active commitments. The only problem is that the insecure guy is aware of this and often welds it as bait to keep you in his life for a long time. He may begin to propose marriage barely a few months into the relationship, and while this shouldn’t be a bother, he often wants to “rush” things.
He’s almost not leaving a chance to receive “no” for an answer. He is pushy and wants things done quickly, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Making hasty decisions on matters of love, dating, and marriage is never a good idea.
It is an unhealthy sign if the man you are with seems impatient and unwilling to give it time and grow into mutual commitment levels. Insecure men rush decisions in a bid to cover up for their own insecurities and toxic traits.
6. He Frets At Being Alone
Nothing is cuter than having a partner who always wants to spend time with and around you. They tell you how eager they are to meet up with you or see you again, and it’s so sweet to know that you are always a part of their plans and schedules.
However, you should become concerned if they can’t seem to stay apart from you, even on days when you need your space. This is obsession, and it’s an extremely dangerous and unhealthy way to express love.
Insecure people often struggle with being alone or having ‘lone moments’ which is mostly due to underlying past traumas or fears they have managed to mask underneath their feelings for you. They would also get defensive when you try to address their impulsive obsession to always be around you.
7. He Is A Loner
While this might seem a sharp contrast to the 6th sign on the list, they both share similarities and are active signs you would readily find in an insecure man.
He is either scared of being alone or always insists on being alone with zero to little human interactions. They may make you feel like the only important person in their lives, but it’s a facade to hide their insecurities from the rest of the world.
They have no friends, close family, relatives, or even acquaintances to discuss or introduce you to. They argue that they would rather stay alone than trust someone else into their space, but it’s a tricky slope that might lead you into a very toxic relationship you won’t be able to break off from.
They make their world revolve around you, dump their emotional baggage on you, and may often feel a need to “punish” you if you decide to bail out on them.
8. He Always Accuses You Of Trying To Dump Him
If he brings up issues of you “leaving him” in the middle of every argument, that confirms your doubts. You are involved with an insecure man who tries to hide his fear of being abandoned.
His insecurities could stem from trust issues spurred by childhood trauma, past relationships, unhealthy self-esteem, or societal projections on him, and it’s tough to handle people like that.
They have a deep fear of abandonment and would often expect others to reject, deny, or betray them, even if there are no reasons to think that way. You would spend a lot of time reassuring and validating your commitment to a man like that, and it’s pretty exhausting.
9. He Downplays Your Efforts & Achievements
For people who are so big on validation from their partners and constantly depend on other people’s view of them, you would expect him to at least reciprocate the gesture, but it’s always a different ball game with insecure men.
It is a reflection of how they feel about themselves and the world, so they often try to throw in some pessimism or snide remarks when they see their partners doing well for themselves. It’s almost as if you can’t outdo them.
They have an intense need to be better and always ahead of other people in life, so this automatically extends to their partners. They may even make you feel like the victim or play the blame game when you ask to be treated rightly.
10. He Is Abusive
Abuse could be in different forms, but if he constantly seeks out a chance to harm or hurt you in any way, he is insecure and compulsively manipulating. Victims of abuse are most likely willing to live in fear and, according to the dictates of an abuser.
He sees your freedom as a threat and tries to do everything possible to curtail it. Remaining in a relationship is highly dangerous and takes a toll on your mental health because you constantly have to deal with their manipulations, mind games, verbal attacks, and sometimes physical assaults. If you are in a relationship with an abusive man, it’s time you actively make efforts to leave them by seeking help.
11. He Is A People-Pleaser
It’s either you or other people. He feels a compulsive need to please people with his thoughts, words, or actions.
Don’t quickly term his eagerness to make his world revolve around you as a romantic gesture. There might just be underlying issues beneath his people-pleasing attitude that you need to pay attention to.
People who live their lives trying to please or get on the good side of others often struggle with insecurities that leave them needing to be validated or approved by others. Their self-worth is often dependent on societal views of them, and this is sadly a difficult one to navigate because their constant need to please leaves them in doubt and always in need of attention.
12. He Says Demeaning Things To Himself
Unhealthy self-esteem is a definite sign of insecurity in a man because if he doesn’t feel good about himself, nothing else will fill the void.
Insecure men have a habit of using demeaning words to describe themselves. They always think they are stupid and never will be enough for anyone or anything. Their insecurities tug at whatever confidence people have in them every time.
You may give genuine compliments about something they did or that you admire about them, and they would say things like, “Oh, it’s probably not that good, you just need to see someone else do it”. While men like this may not always project themselves on you, it is exhausting to make them feel loved and appreciated because you will constantly be met with demeaning comments about themselves.
13. He Is Evasive
His unwillingness to have serious conversations about his life, dreams, or aspirations is often a tell-tale sign of deep-rooted insecurities. Conversations about them or their life goals unsettle them greatly because they make them feel bare and worried or ashamed about being vulnerable or honest with the people in their lives.
His attempt to evade questions on commitment may not always mean that he is uninterested or not into you. It is sometimes a facade to avoid sharing his fears or worries with you because he thinks that would affect how you define his worth. Other times it could also be him hiding something he is ashamed to share with you. Dating an evasive man would leave you constantly in doubt about where you stand with them and ruin your trust eventually.
14. He Stalks You
Calling to find out your whereabouts and making immediate comments on your social media posts sounds sweet at the beginning of your relationship, but you would soon find it bothersome when he begins to trail and track your every move.
Accountability is alright, but if it has to breach the privacy of the other person consistently, then it’s no longer acceptable. An insecure man fears that you may cheat on him or leave him, so he begins to stalk your every move and action so he remains in control of you.
He may hire someone to trail you everywhere or do it himself. Monitor your every post on social media, stalk your comment section to see who might be a potential love interest, or even go as far as installing a tracking device on your phone so he can see where you are and who you have been talking to.
15. He Mentions His Insecurities
As definite as this is, women still make up excuses for their lovers despite mentioning their insecurities to them. They define it as vulnerability & honesty in the relationship, and while this is true and important, it still holds some controversies.
Ladies, if a man tells you he is insecure about being with you and mentions a list of things that fuel his insecurities, then you have to believe him. He is insecure. He has confirmed it.
What should seal your decision to be with him should be his readiness to take action. Did he only tell you, or is he actively going to seek help and face his fears?
These are the questions you should bother yourself with. You must also remember that you are not in a position to help him overcome them. He must get professional help and commit to becoming a better man if he will stand a chance with you.