Just when you thought funny Florida Man news 2026 couldn't get any stranger, a 36-year-old Ormond Beach resident has reset the bar for creative criminal defenses. Calvin Curtis Johnson is trending nationwide this week after bodycam footage surfaced showing his baffling explanation for being found behind the wheel of a wrecked, stolen BMW. His excuse? He didn't steal it—he simply "teleported" into the driver's seat. The bizarre incident, which has sparked a wave of memes and funny police reports 2026 discussions, highlights the unpredictable nature of weird local news arrests in the Sunshine State.
The High-Speed 'Teleportation' Incident in Ormond Beach
The chaotic sequence of events began at Bicentennial Park in Ormond Beach, where the owner of a 2018 BMW convertible had briefly left his vehicle unlocked with the keys in the cupholder while walking his dog. According to the Volusia Sheriff's Office, Johnson seized the opportunity—or, as he claims, the supernatural intervention—to commandeer the vehicle. Witnesses reported seeing a confused man entering the luxury car, asking bystanders for a cigarette lighter before speeding off.
The joyride was short-lived but intense. Authorities report that the stolen BMW crash Florida incident occurred just minutes later on Old Dixie Highway. Witnesses estimated the vehicle reached speeds of up to 130 mph before Johnson lost control, wrapping the convertible around a tree. Miraculously, despite the catastrophic damage that left the car crumpled, Johnson survived with non-life-threatening injuries, though he required extraction from the vehicle.
'The X-Men Told Me To Do It'
It was during the immediate aftermath of the crash that the story transitioned from a standard grand theft auto case to a viral sensation. As deputies arrived at the smoke-filled scene, they found a bloodied and disoriented Calvin Johnson Ormond Beach suspect with a story that defied physics. In the now-famous bodycam footage released by the Sheriff's Office, a deputy asks Johnson how he ended up in the car.
"I don't know, I teleported or something," Johnson can be heard telling the officer. When pressed further about the vehicle's origin, he doubled down on the Florida Man teleported excuse, insisting, "I don't know how I got in the car. I teleported."
The defense took an even sharper turn into science fiction when Johnson began thanking the officers for their intervention. "You saved me from the aliens," he told the deputies while being handcuffed, later adding that "The X-Men" had instructed him to take the vehicle. This Florida Man viral quote has instantly become a staple of internet culture, with social media users dubbing it the ultimate "glitch in the simulation" moment of 2026.
Charges and Aftermath
Despite his supernatural claims, earthly laws still applied. Johnson was transported to a local hospital for treatment before being booked into the Volusia County Branch Jail. He faces charges of grand theft of a motor vehicle and driving with a suspended license. The weird local news arrest has drawn attention not just for the crash, but for the calm earnestness with which Johnson delivered his sci-fi alibi.
Local law enforcement, while used to strange encounters, noted this as a standout among funny police reports 2026. "We hear a lot of excuses—'it's not my pants,' 'I was holding it for a friend'—but spontaneous teleportation driven by mutant superheroes is definitely a new one for the logbooks," a source close to the investigation noted.
Why This Story is Trending Now
The resurgence of interest in this story appearing in "News of the Weird" columns this week speaks to the internet's insatiable appetite for the absurd. As the footage circulates on social platforms, "I teleported, officer" is already being printed on t-shirts and captioned on TikToks. In a year that has already seen its fair share of oddities, Calvin Johnson's high-speed encounter with "aliens" serves as a reminder that in Florida, the line between reality and fantasy is often just a stolen BMW away.
