Submission Guidelines for Convolution Lit

[ad_1] Thank you for daring to submit to Convolution Lit. Our mission is to facilitate a conversation between the author, the reader, and society at large. That conversation may go in circles for six hours. The conversation may result in gatekeeping others out of the conversation. We never know where a story might take us,… Continue reading Submission Guidelines for Convolution Lit

Your Personal Branding Focus Group Report

[ad_1] Thank you again for using U B U Personal Brand Review Service. We know it’s a huge investment and a massive invasion of your privacy. But as you know, the lines between social media branding and who you actually are as a person have completely dissolved. It’s never been more important to project a… Continue reading Your Personal Branding Focus Group Report

Peloton Instructors Coach You Through Your Mediocre New Year’s Resolutions

[ad_1] “What’s up, hustlers! I see you leaving that cup of water in the corner of your desk untouched. That’s no way to keep up a hydration machination. So we’re gonna start small together. Grab your glass and take a sip in 3… 2… 1. Nice! You’ll be at a gallon in no time!” “Your… Continue reading Peloton Instructors Coach You Through Your Mediocre New Year’s Resolutions

January’s Poor Performance Will No Longer Be Tolerated

[ad_1] Dear January, As you know, it’s the policy of the Calendar Council to conduct formal performance evaluations of the 12 business units annually. This year, we’ve moved to a 360-degree feedback system to gather comments and evaluations from your peer months, reporting days, and other key stakeholders like holidays and major events. Below is… Continue reading January’s Poor Performance Will No Longer Be Tolerated

A Ranking of Pigs by Whose Heart I Most Want as a Transplant

[ad_1] “In a medical first, doctors transplanted a pig heart into a patient in a last-ditch effort to save his life and a Maryland hospital said Monday that he’s doing well three days after the highly experimental surgery.” — Associated Press, January 10, 2022 Hamm from Toy Story Manufactured from plastic, Hamm should be the… Continue reading A Ranking of Pigs by Whose Heart I Most Want as a Transplant

Doritos’ “Bold Togetherness” Pitch to Rebrand the CDC

[ad_1] Unexpected partnerships change narratives and you, the CDC, desperately need a new narrative to get the public to take you seriously again because these variants are about to start a panhellenic conference and we need our public health leader back. Cross collaborations revitalize brands. Versace elevated H&M. Beyonce saved Adidas from becoming the New… Continue reading Doritos’ “Bold Togetherness” Pitch to Rebrand the CDC

I Beg of You, Please: Don’t Order a Medium Soda

[ad_1] Greetings, madam, please forgive the wait. It’s been quite a day here at the multiplex. You see, we had a small fire. How small? Oh, I would say the size of a fist. But of course, it’s been dealt with. How? Let’s just say I’m not afraid to fight fire with fire. But what… Continue reading I Beg of You, Please: Don’t Order a Medium Soda

I’m the Bookcase You’re About to Move Upstairs

[ad_1] So let me tell you how this is going to go down. I’m a 6-foot tall, wooden bookcase. Not that IKEA shit. Not fall-a-particle board. We’re talking pure oak and maple. There is no veneer on this beast. You think you can lift me up the stairs? Okay hotshot. Let’s see you try. Oh,… Continue reading I’m the Bookcase You’re About to Move Upstairs

Five Tips for Being Locked in a Trunk

[ad_1] I, Lou Critelli, am one of the greatest mafia snitches of all time. I’ve also been locked in a trunk so many times I’m startin’ to think I’m a set of jumper cables! But seriously, it can happen to anyone. Let’s say that perhaps you “stumbled on” the local waste treatment plant at two… Continue reading Five Tips for Being Locked in a Trunk

It’s Me, the Sitcom Laugh Track. Just Admit It: You Miss Me

[ad_1] Lucy, you got some ‘splainin’ to do! I’m just kidding. Hey, you guys! It’s me, the sitcom laugh track. How you doin’? No, how you doin’? Gah, I’ll stop! But seriously: I’m not doing so well. What happened to us?! It feels like only yesterday I was making sure you dimwits knew when to… Continue reading It’s Me, the Sitcom Laugh Track. Just Admit It: You Miss Me